Pizza is very dear to me, and so is meat. I fail to understand why one would take two such precious elements and combine them into one mediocre compound. The first time I encountered bacon pizza, I was, naturally, overwhelmingly excited. I took one bite, and my mind changed immediately. The cheese and the tomatoes worked, the tomatoes and the meat worked, and the meat and the cheese worked fine too. When put all together on a warm crust, however, the combination was simply disappointing.
Now, you have to take into account that this is coming from somebody who listed pizza as his favorite food one year, and bacon the next. I’m a true fan of both. Why, I am therefore inclined to ask, would one waste both of them, and sacrifice their delicate simplicity for the combination? On top of this, I can take more bites if I eat the two foods independent of each other. When the bacon is on top of the pizza, I’m minimizing the amount of time it takes to eat the total amount of food, which means I have less time for savoring.
From the moment I took that first bite, I felt cheated. Fortunately, this problem was easy to solve. With the availability of napkins, I was able to take the bacon off of the pizza, and then, very daintily, cleanse my hands of the grease that suddenly covered them (bacon will be bacon). I spent the rest of the meal delighting in the refreshing simplicity of the individual flavors.
This experience taught me something I’ve never forgotten. That day, I realized that we can often make the most of life in ways we don’t immediately assume. Occasionally, we can do this by simply taking something apart. Thus I bring you the homemade expression, “taking the bacon off of the pizza.”