Is This Efficiency?

I just got back from staples, where I bought a pocket calendar, and a bigger one for my fridge. Is this efficiency?

I put the pocket calendar in my pocket and I hang the other one on the fridge. I pull out my laptop and open up Gmail. I think this is efficiency.

I’ve opened all my emails. I see Netflix open on the other tab, so I open it up and put on headphones.

Wait, how did I get here? I just watched three forty minute episodes of Teen Wolf. What happened to my homework? Oh, it’s still on the table in front of me. I pick it up and put it on top of my laptop. I feel pretty confident that this is efficiency.

I have to finish this homework, but I really have to take a wiz. But I don’t. Instead, I open up my laptop and open up Gmail again. This has got to be efficiency.

My book on efficiency doesn’t say anything about not wasting time surfing the web. I should look it up.

I open up Netflix again, and watch another three episodes of Teen Wolf. I don’t know where the time went, but my homework is still in front of me.

I see that pair of earbuds that I lost under the sofa out of the corner of my eye. I don’t get them. Efficiency is about laser beam concentration. Although, I might forget later…

Wow, I look at the clock. I’ve been on my laptop for a solid three hours. That’s got to be efficiency.

I open up Amazon and order a pencil box for my desk. One day shipping. Now that’s efficiency.

Efficiency. Gettin’ stuff done. It feels good. I ask my mom for some vanilla ice cream. Oh, who am I kidding. I’m no closer to achieving efficiency. I pull the blank calendar out of my back pocket and write my name on the inside cover. Good enough.

Homage to The New Yorker (2/13/17)

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